Bite Me, Tubby

The process of losing weight has presented me with many opportunities for kudos and congratulations. Of course, it’s not why I’m doing it, but it’s nice all the same. I don’t base my self-worth on whether or not some chick in line at the grocery store or some guy in a bar thinks I’m hot or not hot or fat or not fat or whatever. Everyone is a critic and you can’t please everyone. But I’ve been known to try.

Last week, I was out in a bar where I ran into a 60-year-old man with the the hugest, barrel-like beer gut I’ve ever seen. He’d known me from years ago, when I was 21 and heavier than I am now. He told me how beautiful I am and I said thank you. Then he said, "You look like you’re trimming up some." I said, "I am, thank you." He then launches into a diatribe about women and weight and how he’s not usually attracted to overweight women because they’re so insecure and they draw attention to their weight when they needn’t do so. Ok, fair enough. I feel the same way about a lot of overweight women, myself included. Granted, this guy was in no position to talk, so I called him out on it.

"Do you feel that it’s a double-standard, you not being attracted to overweight women, when it’s apparent the you yourself are, indeed, overweight?" I asked. Of course, he did the "I’m XYZ age and this is just a beer gut, my arms and legs are small, so I’m not really fat like those women..." blah blah blah. I just stared at him and laughed. "What a tool", I thought.

Then he asks me the question unasked by civilized society: "How much do you weigh?"

Agog, I looked at him and said, "Less than you." To which he replied, "How much to you want to weigh?" He was totally undaunted. OK, we’ll have this conversation, porkchop. Let’s go.

I told him my goal weight is 160 pounds, but I’d be content with anything between 150-175 pounds. He chuckled to himself and said, "Well, missy, I hate to break it to ya, but your ideal weight is more like 135. 160 is pretty meaty."

Excuse me, but what a dick! I played it all cool and said, "Well, with all your sweet talk, it’s a wonder you’re still single." and walked away. But in my heart… in my head… I thought, "What if he’s right? What if I’ll never been thin enough?"

A bunch of bullshit, I realize. I know that 135 is far, far too thin for me. I’m 5’ 10 and at 135 my bones stick out and I’m unhealthy. I’ve been there. But it’s a real slap in the face when you’ve lost 90 lbs and you hear that your goal, your ultimate “glory weight”, your moment of excellence still isn’t good enough. I don’t care what Barfly Porkchop says. I know in my heart that 160 on me is perfectly healthy and respectable.

But it doesn’t mean I didn’t hear it.